blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
