i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
