apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
