Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Bring me that man meat
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
