I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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