he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
