I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
