My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
