every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
