Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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