So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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