I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
