ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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