Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
