He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
