He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i wish my penis had a tongue
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
