Just mADE A PArabola og urine
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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