He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
