yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
