I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
