i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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