So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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