girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
