And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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