i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My brain says no but my pants say off.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
