Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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