I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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