Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
