i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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