dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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