please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
