she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
