you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
