I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
