Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
