My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
