I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
