babies were throwing up all over the place
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Omg I joined a choir last night...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
