Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
