around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
