he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
