I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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