come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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