he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
