so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Terrible idea I love it
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
