you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
