she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
