Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
