And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
