Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Randomize
