I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
