Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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