and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
