Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She told me I should be a condom model.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
